Separation anxiety has set in. I was so lucky to have a really good day at work and I was able to run over to the daycare to see Wesley on my lunch break. I was so excited and raced over. I got to the room and immediately hugged my sweet baby and covered him with kisses. He seemed a little stunned to see me, and I was told it was timre for his bottle, so I went ahead and nursed him. The minutes raced by and he finished his feeding and I had to scoot back to work.
I tried to place him on the floor to play and he immediatley started to cry. Talk about heart breaking! Leaving him when he is crying was excruciating! Every fiber of my being wanted to hold him, reassure him, talk and cuddle, squeeze and kiss, comfort and soothe. I picked him back up and squeezed him tight, told him I'd be back in a couple hours and then handed him over to one of the caregivers. He started to cry again and I kissed him goodbye and left. It was hard. One of the hardest departures I've ever had. It pains me to know he doesn't understand.
When I returned (raced over there!) two hours later, he was sleeping peacefully in the crib. The caregiver said he didn't fuss long and said he had stopped before I even left the room earlier. Maybe, in my head, I made the experience out to be worse than it was, maybe I was just so absorbed in my own guilt that I hadn't noticed. Either way, her words made me feel slightly better.
I am still fearful of what the future holds. Then again, what parent isn't fearful for their child's future. I hope it is a phase that he outgrows. I hope that he transitions to our new daycare with time and I hope that things go smoothly next week when I drop him off at daycare next week. Sometimes, I worry that part time daycare doesn't provide Wesley as much day to day structure because he isn't there daily... only 2 days that vary from week to week. I know consistency is important to babies and, as we got through this transition, I believe it!
My heart tells me Wesley will be fine in time. He certainly won't remember this when he is older. I guess this is just one of the many challenges ahead. And, as hard as this one day care exit was, if this is the worst thing in our lives today, life isn't so bad!
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Aw! I think that people (even babies) are quite adaptable. While he may cry when you leave, he's not an animal who will forget you. If you set the pattern of always coming back (maybe even at the same time/intervals), he'll learn to keep track of that.
And having a varied schedule is good too (in my opinion, of course) - it will be that much easier to travel with him, as he will be ok with one day being different from another.
The best thing for a baby/child is love (coming from a woman not close with her parents...). I remember many many moments of time with those who loved/love me (Aunts, grandmothers, etc).
You're doing well, honey! I'm sure you little boy will grow up knowing how much he is loved and wanted. =)
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